Friday, August 24, 2018

Dear Baseball, if you're serious about trying to appeal to a younger generation, go ahead and do away with the singing of God Bless America during the seventh-inning stretch. You’re patriotic. We get it. Enough pageantry.

While you’re at it you might want to look into taking two innings off the game, cutting the national anthem, and about a month off the season.

Thursday, August 23, 2018

You know that get up and go feeling? The one you get after you've had your morning coffee and you feel invincible? I get that, often I get that. But while I feel like going out to take on the world, I'm never quite sure how.

Monday, August 20, 2018

You know how some people look exactly the same in every picture? Dear those people, I know you're trying to look perfect, but get a new face. 

Sunday, August 19, 2018

Sometimes I think about all the girls, okay there are probably only a few, who think “Wow, good thing I didn't end up with him.” Yeah you really dodged a bullet there.

Saturday, August 18, 2018

Walter the cat leads a far more interesting life than I do.
I'm tired of saying congratulations. Weddings, graduations, kids. I'm happy for you all however I'm tired of the endless stream of good-for-you's that I feel required to dole out.  Why do I feel the need to add to your good fortune by liking your honeymoon photos? How about you send me a pat on the back for getting out of bed today?
I bet many of you haven't gone a single day without talking to another person. I've gone many days on many occasions. 
If you haven't lived alone, it's kinda nice. If you have, it kinda sucks.