A conversation includes both talking AND listening. It can be steered by either party, and should be equally satisfying - that is to say, it should not feel like work to one side - to both parties.

The idea that people feel they need security systems on top of homeowners insurance - and even complain about the cost of each - when compared with global and historical norms, shows the almost ridiculous privilege of the American homeowner. 

I'm inconceivably, torturously bored at the moment.

Go ahead and assume that every photo you see online has been altered.

Do you feel jealousy for the people that appear to have more, or sympathy for those who seem to have less?

Five minutes into shopping for some wheelchair accessories - cell phone mount, cup holder, fold-out table, etc - I remembered how much I hate shopping on Amazon.

If you're constantly retelling jokes from TV shows or movies, you're not funny. Most people are not funny. You don't need to entertain us. You should stop trying.