a little list of compromises OR instructions for being me

I only hold utensils with my left hand.

I do not hold a fork, or spoon, the way you do. I hold it palm down, using my middle and ring fingers to press the handle into my palm, the way a small child would.

I don’t bring food to my mouth. I get it on the fork, or spoon, and bend my head and neck down to my hand, resting on the table or edge of the plate or bowl.

I only wear one pair of shoes, without laces. I sit and jam my feet in. I pry them off from the heel, using my other foot. My hands are not needed.

I have not washed my own hair since I moved. The shower is different and does not have a bar to prop my left elbow and reach and scrub my head as I stoop to bring my head to my hand. I didn’t do a great job, but I’ve kept my hair short the last few years. I have my mom wash it, bent over the enormous kitchen sink. I may let it grow a bit, see what we’ve got.

I also have put my own socks on since I moved. I can do it, but I have to be sitting in a low chair to reach my foot with my heel on the floor. It takes 10 seconds for my mom to put my socks on. It would take me several minutes and there’s a chance I would struggle, quit, and go without socks.

To put a shirt on I put both arms in the torso hole, lean against my bed, sit on the bed, then fall back to lay down, keeping my feet on the floor. At this point my arms and the shirt are resting on my chest. I then lift the shirt above my head so that the front torso is over my face. I cannot put my arms in from this position, so I sit back up and grab the shirt in front of my face and pull down to get my head through. I get my left arm through the arm hole and use my left arm to lift my right arm and get it through. Depending on the shirt, how tight it is and how stretchy, I push my right arm through past the elbow, or if I can’t, I use my left arm to grab my right hand and help pull my arm through. That’s all it takes! Layering is to be avoided.

I sit on the edge of the bed to put on underwear and pants. I always wear a belt. I zip the fly but I do not button. I may be able to, but I fear I will not get the button undone later. I’d rather not piss myself if it can be avoided. Side note: if I were a woman and had to pull my pants down to pee, I would live in sweatpants.

I use my left hand for the mouse, and for most things. I am right-handed, I think, but my right shoulder is beyond useless.

Of course there are more, but that’s enough for now.