Oh and by the way...

I went to the doctor’s complaining of a variety of ailments and in a matter of fact manner, I mentioned that my balance didn’t seem so good.  Boy did that raise a red flag.  

About Calcutta

"The food sold on its streets may be unidentifiable, but it’s less likely than New York City hot dogs to contain a cow asshole."

U.S.Grant

He didn’t like marching bands and could recognize only two tunes.  

One was Yankee Doodle.  The other wasn’t.  

In a Moment

At a stoplight I saw a man in the back of a Ryder moving truck full of Christmas wreathes.  The back door was open, stairs down as he stood in the truck bay rearranging them.  I waited for the light to turn and watched as the truck shifted into gear and began to pull away, off to make another delivery.  The man took casual hold of one of the wooden racks that held the wreathes, like a standing passenger grabs a pole as the bus rounds a corner. 

He wore a red Marlboro sweatshirt and blue jeans.  I found myself wondering if anyone buys Marlboro apparel, or if it is all free with proof of purchase.  I began to imagine what else one might find in the Marlboro catalog.  Baseball caps and Starter jackets I suppose; maybe NASCAR merchandise back when it was the Winston Cup.  Most importantly, does the catalog include cigarettes or smokeless tobacco?  If you can buy beer with beer cans, can you buy tobacco products with tobacco products?  I bet not; after smoking twenty cartons and saving each proof of purchase, who would choose a sweatshirt over another carton?

The sight may have made me think of Christmas, but all I could focus on was the sweatshirt.   

Doing What I've Always Done

In the winter of 2010-2011 I got a gym membership at work.  I used to go after work and run on the treadmill, ride the stationary bike, do push-ups, sit-ups, work with dumbbells. 

I started going because I noticed changes in myself that summer and fall.  My ankles felt weak.  I couldn’t push off the same way.  I’d go for a run and would feel like my ankles were almost locked up; like I was trying to run flat-footed.  I’d set up a box or something and jump on and off of it from side to side and front to back, trying to strengthen my ankles.

I used to work out a bit at home.  Over time I began to notice that I was not gaining strength as I used to.  My muscles were not sore the next day as I expected them to be.  My hands and wrists felt weaker. 

That winter I continued to try everything I could to gain strength.  Things didn’t feel as they always had.  I would run on the tread mill and every step felt awkward, like my body didn’t know when and where my foot would land next.  I had to concentrate on running; on making my legs move like I wanted.

At times that winter I got lazy; I got discouraged because I didn’t know what was happening and I couldn’t seem to control it.  Some weekends I sat on the couch all day and watched tv while my friends were out skiing or hiking.  I told them I didn’t feel like going.  I wonder what they thought; that wasn’t like me. 

I went snowshoeing a few times.  Snowshoeing is a bit awkward even for the strong, highly coordinated athlete.  In the cold I found it took me forever just to get the snowshoes on.  My fingers didn’t work very well in the cold.

I found I could walk okay on flat ground, and going up hills seemed alright, but going down them was another story.  Again I had to concentrate on lifting each foot and locking my ankles to keep the front of the shoes elevated.  I was convinced there was something wrong with my ankles.  I tried to run down the trail to keep up but kept digging the front of my snowshoes into the ground; flopping on my face.  My friends were so far ahead they didn’t notice how many times I fell.  They saw the snow packed into my zipper and stuck to my hat and knew I had taken a digger.  I didn’t tell them I had taken ten.

One day I finally gave up thinking I could fix it on my own; I made an appointment with my doctor.  I put my faith in someone else and a new chapter began.

I Try to Eat Dessert

I try to eat dessert almost every day.

Strange and Unnecessary Considerations

There’s a silly question I consider; it’s a “would you rather?”

Would you rather lose use of your legs or your hands? 

It’s a tough question.  Think of what you do with your legs.  And then think of what you do with your hands.

I think of this because I see people in wheel chairs and think of all they can do.  Yes, I compare myself to people in wheel chairs.  But losing the use of a single (or set) body part is so much different. 

I probably don’t consider all they can’t do; the places they can’t go. 

But think of all your hands can do.  Hands are incredible tools.  Without the use of your hands, there isn’t much you can do in the world. 

It’s a strange question; a strange comparison.  The world is made for normal, and neither of us is that.