I always apologize when I am unable to complete a task and
must ask for help; when I make a mistake at a simple task, or do anything that
causes that look of concern I’ve grown so accustomed to.
Whether it is a stranger or a loved one, I feel the need to
apologize for my shortcomings.
This disease, and I don’t call it that very often, to myself
or in this forum, manifests itself in so many ways and changes so often, that I
know much of what you see is new. I know
it is new to you because many times it is new to me, and I apologize for its presence.
I am embarrassed by it and I apologize. I am embarrassed because I don’t like who I’ve
become. I shouldn’t be embarrassed; I
can’t control any of it.
I don’t know what it is that makes me feel embarrassed; to
feel the need to apologize. Do I think
it’s my fault? No, I guess I don’t. I don’t think it’s that simple; to assign
fault.
I do know that I draw special treatment; I need help. I guess it is for that I apologize.
Nathan, you don't owe anyone an apology for anything, get over that. People love you and want to help if only to provide just an ounce of relief to you in your fight on any given day. Thinking of you always.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kathy, And thank you for reading.
DeleteMaybe you have ALS because you are braver and stronger than most and have been handed the challenge. Maybe you even took it on without knowing. You are seeing things about humanity that most of us will never see or understand. Learn from it, teach the ignorant and never apologize for experiencing something that most of us will never experience. I am learning so much from your blog; I think everyone is who is reading. It’s no one’s fault of how it happened, it just is.
ReplyDeleteWe all need help at some point, and we all love to be needed.
DeleteThanks for reading Shannon. It is always good to hear that this blog is making people think about things in a new way. I must say I hate (really hate) the "you got this b/c you are strong" ideology, but I love everything else you had to say (and I do not want to discourage further comments) so I'll focus on all of the other great things you said. Good to hear from you.
DeleteDude...don't even apologize. I am around ALS each week with my buddy Os (42) who is basically chair-bound now. I hang out with him, and do anything he needs, from helping him eat to wiping his nose. I do it because he's my friend, and I know he'd do the same for me. Plus I like hanging out with him.
ReplyDeleteI know he feels similar to you, but that shit is beyond your control. We love you dude. Hang in there.
I understand and I appreciate your relating that story to me. Most of it is difficult to stop as I've been taught to apologize, say "excuse me" or otherwise when inconveniencing others in some way. It's tough not to, out of habit. I assume you are a friend of Brian's, thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
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