On Andy

Yesterday Andy Williams passed away.  I didn’t know Andy well, we had only met a few times, but his death seems to have affected me greatly. 

I couldn’t get to sleep last night; my mind sifting through layer upon layer of thoughts.  Thoughts on death, thoughts on life, thoughts on growing older filled my head as I lay, eyes closed on the pillow. 

Andy was 38.  He was diagnosed with leukemia and after what must’ve been a long, but not long enough year, he passed away from complications related to the disease. 

As we grow older we are more often confronted with the death of our peers.  At first we are in disbelief; our relationship with death is new and we cannot comprehend what lay before us.  As time passes we begin to understand things a bit better, but it is always a shock to hear that someone has died so young. 

Death in itself does not sadden me.  The death of a grandparent who has lived a full life may only be sad in a selfish way.  We will no longer see this person; he or she will be missed.  But seeing a friend, loved one, or acquaintance pass before his or her time brings a separate grief.  I think not of myself and a relationship lost, but of them and what could have been.  A life cut short never seems complete though it is. 

Andy on this day I feel for those closest to you who will miss you in ways I cannot know, but I also feel pain for you, for what your life could have been had it been allowed to continue.  Andy Williams the 40-year-old, the 50-year-old, the wise old man.  None of those will ever exist in this world.  For this I am sad.