Why or Why Not?

I'm reading The Boys of Summer, the autobiographical 1971 book about covering the Brooklyn Dodgers in '52 and '53 for the now long defunct New York Herald Tribune. The book contains a lot of interesting tidbits, and maybe I'll get to some of the others, but here's one that struck me.

The author, in the course of telling a story about some sports writer or ball player (it doesn't matter) mentions a woman who has kids and weighs in on the guy getting involved with her. He says something like, "Well she would have to be really great". And yes it's 1971 and he's talking about the 50s. I am obviously not surprised or offended that men, then or now, feel that way. It was written as an objective statement of fact. As in, no man would ever want to raise another man's kids.

A while ago an old friend asked me about a mutual friend who is in a similar situation. That is, he is with a woman who has children from a previous relationship. And I was asked the question in a similar way. And knowing her and them together I felt I had to defend them. I found myself saying things like, "Oh yeah but she's great" and sort of leaving it at that. My friend was obviously implying, "Why would he want to do that?" And if I had thought it through I might've said, "Why wouldn't he?"

I'm not saying everyone should want to be a surrogate father. But even now there is this assumption (and societal acceptance) that men are so selfish and immature that no man would want to be a father to children who need one.

Here's a segue you didn't see coming. I recently saw an interview with Shaq on YouTube, and knowing that Shaq was raised by his mother and step-father, the interviewer asked about his biological father. He brushed it aside, said he had nothing to say about him, and for several minutes went on to praise the man that raised him, the man that chose to be his father, who did x, y, and z to make sure they had enough. He says that it would be disrespectful to pretend that he had any other father.

That sounds like a hero. Why wouldn't you want to be a hero?