Just to Clear Things Up

Recently I've gone "gluten-free".

Most people assume I've done it for the same reason everyone else does, but some people ask.

Yes, I have found that my digestive system runs a bit smoother, but that's not it.  That would never be enough to give up approximately half of the American diet; pizza and beer.

I've found I can't control much in my life but the food I eat is one thing I have full control of.  As a result I've been experimenting with the food I eat for a long time now and though it seems that I have to re-convince myself of things I thought I knew (always having doubts), I think I've learned a few things.

Last weekend I scrapped my gluten allergy theory and guiltily ate lots of wheat-containing products.  I ate a batch of hot cider doughnuts from Adams' Orchard in Williston.  Go there and eat some.  I ate everything that was put in front of me at Misery Loves Company.  This included lots of fried chicken, pasta, and various sauces no doubt containing flour.  Go there as well.  That night I drank a single Smuttynose Robust Porter.  Fuck it was good.

I felt terrible after eating the doughnuts, but so does everyone.  After dinner I was too full to know what I felt like.  I went right to bed after the beer.

The next day, and possibly that night though I don’t remember for certain, it felt like my skin was crawling.  It's tough to describe, but essentially my arms and hands were very tingly. 

For ten days or so, my left pointer and middle fingers twitched constantly.  This has happened before but not in a long time.  The tendons in my forearm that control the bending of my fingers were firing for no reason, causing my fingers to curl up each time.  Needless to say it's very frustrating when you can't straighten, or keep your index finger straight.  For one thing it makes typing very difficult.

This has almost stopped now, and I'm not fucking with gluten for a long time.

Try telling this to a doctor and take down his response.  I'd place bets on "Hmm" or "Huh".